Do you want to Break the Cycle?

Were you the kid your parents never gave praise or acknowledgement to..?

not because they didn't love you, but because they felt you were so confident and self sufficient they didn't need to...
BUT they openly spoke mounds of encouragement to the next sibling, kid, or other person in front of you..???
Not realizing it made you question your very existence and value.

You grew to believe you didn't need their support and believed it made you stronger...

Did it? 

Or did it make you trust less.. 

Seek help less.. 

Struggle alone more??

So much so you may have similar behavior traits.. You may find you overlook giving people credit and justify it by saying they should know.  I have been guilty of this or saying.. well they are doing what they should.  But the next person who barely comes through gets a pat on the back for barely doing what they should because we want to help build them up.  All the while I realized I aided in possibly tearing my true support and rock down.  I have worked hard on changing this over the past 5+ years so that now acknowledging, saying thank you, good job,  I appreciate you, even giving personal acknowledgments and compliments etc... is more natural.

Why am I writing this... because I want to break the cycle.... 

Note - I am talking about when reward is warranted not the blanket everyone gets a trophy concept.

Flip side... I have been told in the past I am always present, willing, helpful, work hard, loyal etc... so I am overlooked, because as a constant they did not have to worry about me. *There were examples of this very behavior and treatment in the bible - Cain & Abel, Esau & Jacob, the story of the Prodigal son.

Because of this I found myself questioning my existence in that environment.  I thought, if I am so easily overlooked because I always work hard, but am not worthy of expressed gratitude,
Why am I here?
 I knew this was something I wasn't good at so I worked on changing this trait in myself and even moreso I am aware of it's existence or lack there of.
For me.. I withheld praise mainly because I did not know how to give it. nor was it comfortable... So I didn't really think about it.. Or did I?  Maybe I assumed people like me... who worked hard... didn't need it... What a conflict with how I felt and how my brain was trained!!!!

I had to ask myself is it really that hard to give thanks, verbally or non-verbally? No, it wasnt.  It was harder to break the cycle than to offer encouragement where due.

  

So how does one truly KNOW anyone else's thoughts without it being stated?

We all want and need acknowledgement, praise, a compliment a pat on the back of some kind.  If we say we don't, this message is specifically about that misinterpretation of hurt.

Moral... if deep down that behavior, hurt..realize the same action causes the same hurt to the next person.

Sometimes we grow enough to see the pain inflicted on us whether on purpose or accidentally and sometimes we learn and have the courage to work hard to correct it... that is what I call 

Changing things.. 

Creating a new paradigm... 

Breaking the cycle...

We are only damaged if we never try to acknowledge and adjust...

I am working on this daily.  

#A2C
~Ali